The Scene and Herd

I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. After a week without internet, I return online obsessed with my income. So I’m either checking charity village and craigslist  incessantly or I’m online-paralyzed, too cash guilty to indulge myself with poli-blogs…
The last thing I remember is leadership hysteria and a Toronto Star cover quoting Ignatieff threatening the PM to FIX IT!!! It was thrilling. But despite my disconnect, it feels like things are calming down and I’m so happy to have my cds and a kitchen again that all I want to do is hang around making soup and bread (with the bread maker I took from my parents’ house) and watching the whole last season of LOST (two and a half days…I had a cramp in my arm by the last episode. Thank you 2Q video for the great rates).

But I want to come back. The thing is, I’m different than I was two weeks ago. I look at politics differently. 
Now, the economic meltdown is affecting me! I seriously never imagined. I believed that I was immune because no global economic trend has ever had any bearing on my life. But my boss says to me “I don’t think you’ll get any work because of the economy…” and totally blew my mind. Tuition, minimum wage, health care…these things affected me but didn’t affect me because they didn’t interfere with my relationship with goat’s cheese and wine (for example). And now these are sort of the only things missing from my life. Because I can’t afford them. Because of the economy. 

So I’m going to be looking at politics and poli-blogs through a different lens. I’m sort of like, a citizen now or something. I’m a citizen who is worried about the economy. I’m a concerned citizen with an agenda and a few tangible yardsticks. Goat’s cheese and wine for example.

Now I’m distracted. It was my intention to return at some point and say something to the merits of MI. But all this chaos. All this wonderful and exciting and terrifying chaos…

What terrifies me most is imagining what Harper is thinking. He must be freaking out, totally. The idea of that man feeling something chills me a bit, but the idea that he might be feeling rage…that is a nightmare!

Everyone is losing their minds and I’m not sure who to blame. I want to make it clear that I would rather not blame Harper. For the liberal leaning, this is too easy and it bores me. I’ve spent considerable time trying to glean something noble from his character. It can’t be easy leading a minority government.  Really, he is being very difficult. But I don’t think he is “out of touch” with the average Canadian or a total jerk. I believe
that he believes
that he has no other option. 

He is…pressing on because he practically has a phobia. A cooperation phobia, like the idea that he might work with the opposition flies right over his head. Since the election he has been hyper aware that cooperation is looming. He probably has cooperation nightmares. So when everyone else rejected the conservative economic package and someone breathed the word “cooperation” Harper freaked and blurted out “we’re doing it anyway!” 
And subsequently conceded a few things outta panic and now he’s screwed. He swung from one frantic end to another. A man usually so calm and self assured…

I still maintain that Harper could be a good leader. He just needs to really ATTACK this issue. And by issue I mean his issue with cooperation. And by “attack” I mean give it some gentle consideration.

My hopes and dreams of the past two years have finally come true. I’m not sure I truly believed there would be another chance to watch Ignatieff come through. Not so soon, at least. And Warren Kinsella is supporting him. I can’t believe my luck. Last time Kinsella was involved I didn’t care about politics. I’ve never really witnessed him in action and now he’s backing my favorite living political personality. The next few months will be a dream! blogsblogsblogsblogs. 
What a glorious time to be essentially unemployed. This is all getting out of hand. I am giddy.

And I have been to seven delis in three days.
And I am going to my second Reel Asian Screening for free to tonight.
And I have a metro pass (which is a JOY, let me tell you).
And I just ate half a bowl of chocolate frosting with, so far, zero consequences (aside from the consequence of a sudden burst of optimism).

Later rant - the genuine and superficial merits of MI.
Thanks be to God.

All last year, save a few exceptions, I had to google Mexico news to find out what was going on over there. But the past few days suggest this previously, oddly contained war is slowly being enveloped by mainstream media. I’ve heard drug war details on the CBC, in the Toronto Star, all over the internet and even from my relatives. This bizarre phenomenon,  Mexico’s precarious position as NAFTA partner, tourist destination and war zone.

A plane went down in Mexico City two days ago with Interior Minister and former head drug prosecutor on board. Civilians cry Narco plot, but the official stance is still accident. Eight more bodies were found in Northern border town with one decapitated, hanging from a bridge to terrify locals. The national drug war death toll rivals Afghanistan and Tijuana exceeds Baghdad. The drug cartels’ increasingly brazen violent acts show their attempt to assert power and control while quelling any opposition.

But we all know this just leads to bloody war. Police and local government officials are targeted, threatened or murdered but ultimately replaced by those either more staunch and stubborn to wipe out the cartels, or corrupt individuals tied to the criminals. No one in between would take on such a god forsaken position. So the drugs are either going to meet with greater violence and opposition or a brief time in complete control before a desperate civilian uprising. 

Whatever happens, I feel like Mexico is headed into this terrible situation and when total civil war breaks out, no one over here will have seen it coming because we are too distracted by billboards and TV commercials suggesting we take a break there sometime this winter.

I got caught up in the mania last night, severely wishing I was more attached to the event. Shots of crazed crowds around the US exuding pure political and historical joy had me re assessing my national identity again. I love Canada. Canada is weird and unsure, lovable in the same way as the smart but quiet kid from high school who appears on the local scene ten years after graduation. And now he’s really cute and makes horror films.
But I kept thinking of the scene two weeks ago when i was up alone at 1 am during the acceptance speeches as most of the nation fell softly asleep, unworried and uninspired. I’m so jealous of Americans (like the smart but quiet kid from high school). They’re totally allowed to be patriotic. They’re even allowed to get their flag tattooed on their body (I don’t want a flag tattoo but I’d like the option of it meaning more than I like to go camping at Algonquin). If you have an American flag tattoo it probably means you almost died, and don’t get you started on patriotism because you’ll either cry or split someone’s lip.
The United States was almost lost and now it’s found. Typical. Leave it to them to get everyone worked up again. They keep pushing and pushing and pushing international patience to the brink and then do something really great. I understand this caution, that Obama is a mere man and not the saviour of the world. But I think that whatever he is and however mortal, he’s a huge symbol that America is still not a real country. It gets away with everything because it’s a mythical figment of of our imaginations that embodies everything that’s ever happened from the creation of the world. I mean, wtf? A month ago we thought the country was doomed but today, redemption sweeps across the land. It’s so sudden. This can’t be reality. That’s why I love America, wish I could live in America, wish I was America. 
I’m one of the most critical people I know, but last night I felt all criticism seep out of my body. All I wanted to do was feel positive and hopeful and embrace this mythical thing. Because I recently noted that Canada is moderate. The whole country recently noted it (democratically). And I get choked up about it, and a rush of love and affection. But the idea that I would paint my face and dance in the street over anything that happens in this country in my life time is ridiculous. The hope and optimism I feel within Canadian Politics is systematic, intellectual, controlled and sarcastic.

Somehow at some point America became a projection of the whole world’s hopes and fears. Last night it came to light that I didn’t really understand the US political process. There was a vague feeling in the room that I should know. And it’s true. There is a sense that everyone in the world should know what’s going on in the USA. Our fates are attached to what happens there. The American myth affects me, even though I am not American. We perpetuate this bizarre global domination by loving them and hating them, celebrating in our streets their successes and failures and following their election more closely on TV then our own (on CNN and CBC, incidentally). It is not the best country in the world, but it’s definitely the most interesting and the most important because it exists outside of reality. If America ceases, the world must confront the impending end of the world. As long as it redeems itself (impossibly and suddenly), the impossible is still possible.
If Obama saves nothing else, he saved this outrageous narrative.

“Do you really want to find out” is the line that ends the last liberal ad i saw before election day!

a series of ads outlines everything stephen harper has done that might be interpreted as terrifying.  and the ads themselves, they are terrifying. there is a voice over and it is always very frantic (as one apt observer noted to my delight). he always speaks very quickly and firmly, and almost loudly.
but i have decided that being frantic is definitely not the way to win over a conservative. conservatives like to be calm and reasonable. they like plans - clear plans (beautiful beautiful plans). 

on thanksgiving monday i asked my dad why he was voting conservative and he said “because he lowered the gst and is letting me split my income with my wife.” and that was all my dad had to say and he was sort of laughing the whole time because he knew it would make me mad. then we got to my home in bramps and my next door neighbors, the raspberrys incidentally, had a conservative sign on their lawn (i almost thought it was on my parents’ lawn…i can’t believe the raspberrys did that…). 

so i really started thinking about why people vote conservative. because my dad is a really good person and he’s not greedy and he doesn’t like war that much. i also always thought warren raspberry was a good person.

the other night after the election i stayed up late because i wanted to hear harper address the nation. i like a victor’s speech. the best comes out in people when they are victorious, even when their politics are bad (don’t align with mine?). the thing is, i really liked his speech and i really liked harper while he was giving the speech. i even think, i think his mouth may have quivered when he stated that canada was the best country in the world. and he got a bit passionate at the end there when he said we were independent, strong and compassionate (or something - three very good adjectives). furthermore, i liked the way he ushered his children onto the stage. i think stephen harper might be a really good father. no one can get over that handshake but my friends and i have come at it from every angle and maybe they have this father-son-handshake ritual or maybe ben didn’t want to hug his dad in front of the cameras. maybe they discussed it beforehand or better yet, harper just knew and didnt make a big deal out of it. i think he looks pretty comfortable with his kids and vice versa. and also, elizabeth may said he was a good father.

and i liked him during the debates. jack layton was crazy and mean and the sweater joke was only funny the first time. dion was lovely and emotional and oh, i really like him and wish him some sort of peripheral political participation. steven harper was totally cool the whole time and i like the way he laughed at layton’s jabs. 

and i think that if you’re an artist you have to stand up for yourself, but cutting the arts, while very unfortunate, is not insane. it’s not even, like, mean. 
it’s just kind of boring. 
and responsible. 

and i’ve seen harper during question period and i think he’s witty.

there is nothing utterly hateful about stephen harper. canada is a moderate country. our conservatives are better - more articulate, educated and reasonable - than their conservatives. 

and our liberals are less exciting than their liberals (except for Trudeau). 

so while i sincerely regret the results, i kind of wish i could encourage harper somehow because maybe he could be a great leader.

i might lash out against artists too if i had the economy to worry about and they wouldn’t get off my ass anyways.

and if i were my dad (haha) and was about to settle into retirement,  had a kid with a loan, a sore back and a new grandson

i might vote for stephen harper too.

my life is about very little right now. i mean, i spend all my time doing about four things with about four people (but the four things and the four people are definitely the best - nnnnno complaints).

one of those four things i do is watch tv on dvd. oh YES i love to do this (another thing i do is eat. and when i can combine these two activities it’s heaven). there have been three main installments - Jericho, five days, and dead like me. dead like me was terrible, boring and embarrassing. 

five days was one of the best things i’ve ever seen. if you ever have five free hours (we still only rented it for less than 24 hours because it was a new release so we had to totally commit - paul runs a tight ship over there at movie art decor) of spare time and mental soundness, you should see it. watch it all in one night like we did. watch it late until 4 AM. put yourself through some real agony because it’s about murder and affairs and missing children, racism and bad friends. will leave you thankful and wiped.

but Jericho has been the real treat. a season and a half in about a week and a half, after the first few episodes we were riveted but unimpressed. but we finished it tonight and we’re all totally in love with it whether you’ll admit it or not, and we all love ronnie or ryan or whoever he is (this we’ll admit).

why do we love this stupid show? it resembles LOST, the way it starts small and gets bigger and you learn more and more and it’s never enough. the loose strings get all out of control and the sound bite at the end of each episode is almost as terrifying. less like, mental though. it doesn’t get in your head the same way and i don’t think i’m dreaming about it as much (although, you will dream about anything when you watch it hours straight like we do). 

it has these elements that you’re dying for without knowing it. i’ll list a few.

1. AMERICA - a country constantly at war. the price of peace is like, boredom or something. times of war and disaster make people better. if it were not for the nuclear (nucular?) upset, Jake would have remained a no good son and Emily would have married Roger. And Eric would have never become a real man. Stanley and Mimi would never have realized they were in LOVE, ronnie would have never made friends etc. there is this real feeling of “having no electricity is bad, but thank God all this happened because now our lives have meaning.” people want war. they love it! and that’s why everyone wants America, the country that just keeps waging and waging, one after the other wars against terror and drugs, gay people and Iraq. i thought the world loved (or hated - but hated because they really loved) America because they sub consciously like liberty and diversity and the idea of opportunity and like me, love the image of American soldiers giving hersey bars to war torn kids after WWll (this image makes me sad now). but the world, in their collective love/hate for the USA must know that America has not attained any of these things but is constantly striving for them. they will have those things in abundance when peace time comes.
but peace is never going to come for the USA because they have intertwined their existence with war, war which allows you a perpetual state of “we must have liberty we must have diversity we must become better in the face of this enemy.” 
because war means hope. 
peace means disillusionment and reckoning. that is why we love America, why we want to be America. because they never have to deal with peace. they never have to deal with anything.

2. perfect gender roles. the scene that best exemplifies this: bonnie, the deaf girl, is meticulously setting the table. mimi bursts through the door because mercenaries are on her ass. bonnie puts down the dishes and picks up a gun, blows off some faces before she dies (because she’s deaf) but saves mimi’s life. so the women still set the table and overbearingly ask their husbands to stay home and blurt out their secrets. but they can really shoot! the men cry when their fathers, wives and babies die. but they still kick fucking ass. it is a perfect society, a mix of protection and psychological comfort. this is what happens in war time?

3. God. i don’t think the Jericho allusion is complete or at all thought out. nonetheless, this small town is rudely awakened from their relative apathy when disaster strikes. they slowly realize how massive everything is and as conspiracies/truths surface, the outside world begins to matter because Jericho comes to understand the way they are affected by the big picture. in addition, some key players get toaffect the big picture (they get to save the world, man!).  And people are dying to understand that they are part of a bigger system, that their actions matter. We want to be important, even if that means we get bombed (this mentality is, obviously, horrifically pervasive in the USA). We want to believe that something or someone is thinking about us. Jericho never did anything that mattered to anyone outside the sweet little town, but they still get to be involved in “the greatest crime in the history of the world.”

now, should i attempt to interpret the biblical shout-out i can only conclude that ronnie hawkins is meant to represent Israel, because he is the only spy in the town. 
and small town America must be annihilated to make way for the chosen people - in this case either the CIA or black people