The Scene and Herd

Canada’s sensitivity levels have shot way up and out of control, ever since Iggy came on the scene a few years ago. You’d think a self-assured political character like Ignatieff would be good for us, but instead our collective self-esteem is all threatened and out of whack. Iggy has ushered in an embarrassing era where money, really good schools, and international travel appear to be the bane of the Canadian psyche.

 This article in the Toronto Star today is exemplary of our nation’s weirdo but typically Canadian attitude towards Ignatieff. As of this morning, we can all add “knowledge” to the list of really awesome things that Canadians are now wary of because they feel threatened by Iggy.

 ”Michael Ignatieff’s embryonic election platform – “a knowledge society” – is safe, smart and stylish. It can be stretched to include everything from basic literacy to advanced scientific research.”

That sounds great. I’m so glad he brought it up.

“But as the former Harvard professor and his brain trust flesh out their policy manifesto, there are a few realities to consider.”

There’s that H-word again. I see where this piece is going. The realities that Carol Goar (the author) is talking about are immigrants who can’t get certified in Canada, recent grads that can’t get a job, and skilled workers that might feel slighted by a “knowledge society.”

“The Liberal leader and his strategists may find the phrase ‘smart is the new black’ appealing, but to millions of hard-working Canadians, it sounds elitist and suggests they’ll be second-class members of the knowledge society.”

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. It’s so childish I want to die. I seriously doubt that millions of hard working Canadians have such a fragile ego, and if they do, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with Michael Ignatieff’s election platform (and if it does… well then the nation is just doomed). Who are these millions anyways?

“Canada needs – and will continue to need – home care workers, tradespeople, cleaners, truck drivers, technicians, shopkeepers and labourers. Their jobs may not be glamorous, but they’re essential. Where do these people fit into Ignatieff’s vision?”

 I happen to know a cleaner and a shopkeeper and I think they would fit into a knowledge vision pretty comfortably. They don’t mind ideas and technology, and I think they might even understand the benefits of science.

 I suspect that Goar is projecting this “second class” mentality onto a particular demographic or two that she’s not even a part of. We’re all concerned about recent grads that can’t find a job, and immigrants that have been denied “the opportunity to use their skills.” These are definitely issues that need to be addressed and fixed, but all the immigrants and recent grads I know could really get behind the idea of a knowledge society…

Can’t we have a competent immigration system, a healthy job market and a knowledge society? (Personally, I think we should employ all recent grads in the poorly staffed immigration department. But nobody asked me.)

As we approach the inevitable election, finally with Ignatieff as Liberal leader, I look forward to fleshed out policies and ideas. So far, I like his optimism. I hope it doesn’t get sucked into the vortex that disappeared Canada’s tolerance for Harvard and … knowledge.

And I really wish we would let those hard working Canadians speak for themselves for once.

This might come as a surprise to you, but the FOX news channel aired something totally unclassy last week. On the same day that Canada lost four soldiers in Afghanistan, a bunch of losers on a stupid show called Red Eye went on a four person rant about how useless our military is. I was really indignant at watching it, horrified even. Like any decent person, I was saddened by the idea that families of the dead solders might come across it. I also really love Canada, and while usually I couldn’t care less what Americans think of us, those guys on Red Eye were being over-the-top obnoxious about a country they obviously know nothing about.

But when the dust of my rage settled, I realized most of my indignation wasn’t about the dead soldiers, or the way my country’s reputation was soiled on American TV. Mostly I was upset that I had been exposed to the unintelligent and trashy views of the Red Eye panel. And now the clip is everywhere because they talked about Canada… I had never even heard of the show, but now those knuckleheads are permanently on my radar. They are a blemish on my view of life.

Westboro Baptist Church did something equally obnoxious last week by threatening to picket Natasha Richardson’s funeral. Like Red Eye, this incident plagues my head with a crass noisiness. I have a fascination for Westboro, along with a sick sense of responsibility because I attended a Baptist church in my youth and my parents still go there. Obviously, Westboro is not really a Baptist church so much as they’re a cultish hate group. But I’m still tied to them nominally and this irks me. On behalf of gay people and every other group they target, I am offended by Westboro. But I am also offended on behalf of myself … as a religious person.

 The collision of Red Eye with Westboro last week made me realize that when someone says something politically incorrect, I’m less concerned about the offended group than I am about my own sense of propriety. Each time Westboro goes off the deep end, I wish to God (seriously, as in I pray to God) that the religious lunatics would leave some room for the faith community to behave in public with some decorum.

And the Red Eye rant didn’t offend me as a Canadian; it offended me as a classy individual.

Racism, sexism, homophobia and random comments made about the Special Olympics can be dangerous and awful. But mostly they’re just tasteless and make for tawdry after dinner programming.  And that’s something we can all get angry about, in solidarity. 

I can’t get excited about Jon Stewart’s high road last week. Sources keep reporting that he “won” but I saw the interview and… he won? Won what? It wasn’t a debate. It was Cramer appearing on Jon Stewart’s show and Jon Stewart was in control… much like when Stewart was on Crossfire a while back and they tore him apart but Stewart got points for being civil. 

When Stewart was on Crossfire, the Bow Tie Guy told him The Daily Show was a waste. Bow Tie said Stewart was irresponsible because he had the ear of big leaders but missed the hard hitting questions. However valid that charge, Stewart chose to defend himself by reminding Bow Tie that The Daily Show was comedy and aired after puppets making prank phone calls. And this resonated with me, because I agreed. Your audience matters and your intentions matter. Your responsibility shifts depending on your influence. So Stewart has his comedy show and can do whatever he wants. Great. I love the guy.

But now that I think about it, the parts of the Cramar interview that stood out to me were when Cramer said he thinks about ratings like everybody else, and when he said that he’s trying to present economics to the masses and make it exciting. And Jon Stewart told him “this is not a fucking game.”

But Stewart makes a game out of everything. And it’s funny. And when people who are not in the game are brought into the game, it’s funny. When the interviewee thinks they are giving a real interview but it’s really just nonsense, we laugh at them. I knew one of those interviewees. Her name was Marla. She used to tip me 20 bucks at Dufflet pastries. Marla didn’t know that the interview was fake and Samantha Bee made a monkey out of her.

So The Daily Show is funny to people that know what’s going on, to people that understand the genre and Jon Stewart’s intentions. And if Crossfire had told Stewart that “this is not a fucking game,” Stewart probably would have told them that they don’t get it. 

And Jim Cramer was running his own game over on CNBC and people didn’t get it and people got hurt. So Jim Cramer has no integrity and Stewart can destroy him and we can celebrate.

I’m troubled by this ill-defined line. When does someone become responsible? When they get on CNBC? When they’re hurting the economy instead of my friend Marla? Jim Cramer is probably a douche, but I think his “I’m trying to make economics exciting” is as valid as Jon Stewart on Crossfire saying he’s just comedy. 

And points to Jim Cramer for being civil….

What I call “changing his mind” and “revising,”Albina Guarnieri, chair of Iggy’s “Kitchen Cabinet” calls “constantly  calibrating his thinking, like a Swiss watch.”

Nice one! I’m so infatuated. I could never come up with that… calibrating his thinking. Of course!

This is why I will never get to be part of MI’s breakfast club…

All this trouble over $3 billion is madness! I do not understand anyone’s deal! 

First of all, Stephen Harper, don’t you remember the agreement? Michael’s in charge. You’re on probation! But seriously, even if you weren’t, what’s your problem? The opposition wants to know how you’re going to spend $3 billion. How is that outrageous? Your response should have been,”hm… yeah okay. We’ll get you a copy of that.” Holy impulse reaction. Someone’s in a rut. 

Speaking of ruts, if Jack Layton ever says something decent without taking a jab at another party I’d be so surprised I’d probably throw up. His two cents on this thing:

Layton said the money should be added to gas tax transfers that go directly to municipalities. “That would get the money into their hands in weeks and they’d be able to put it to work immediately to create jobs,” he said in an interview.

Bravo! But wait…

“We certainly don’t support the creation of some sort of a blind trust that ministers can dip into and spend on their favourite projects without public accountability… We’ve seen that kind of fund go wrong so many times before. The Gomery Commission showed what happens when you get into that kind of plan.”

Kill two birds with one stone. Boring cheap shot.

My advice to all of them is to lighten up. You know that game people play where they list off all the things they would do with a million bucks? Well these guys get to do that for real, but with $3 billion! Holy crap!

If I got to spend $3 billion on the citizens (and permanent residents) of Canada, I’d be dying to share my plans with the opposition. Does anybody remember laughter?!

The suburbs drives you to all sorts of weird things; like bulk barn and town centres. Like video clips of This Hour Has 22 Minutes, a show you never thought was that funny aside from their Quebecois accent bit. But we were up until 1 am watching it, and this morning lo and behold! Iggy’s all over it. Hahaha. 

Oh, Iggy, I love.

And I love the suburbs and cars and town centres.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk041FoyipM]

Ignatieff announced he will run candidates in “all ridings!” including Elizabeth May’s.

I’d really like to know what prompted this announcement. Because I like to think that nothing prompted it. I like to think that Iggy just likes making announcements about how he’s changed his mind, about how the whole party has changed it’s mind… “We take it back!” 

This rumour that the Conservatives are planning to unleash attack ads about Iggy being a flip-flopper and an intellectual snob… I hope it’s true. Watching the Cons latch onto all that nonsense would be great fun. And I’m mos def going to launch my own counter campaign. 

Making Flippy Floppy. Oh Canada, I love you.

I really appreciate Iggy’s tendency to… go back on things. Seriously, I think it’s a valuable characteristic and I’d not apply the charming “flip-flop” term to it because it always strikes me as genuine. Okay, yeah,most of us were troubled with his stance on Iraq, but listening to him re-think it and admit he was wrong was refreshing. MI is so forward thinking. The past is in the past.

That said, the story of Beryl Wajsman pleases me for very different reasons. 

I really like that Iggy is “wooing” back into the party someone Paul Martin “banned for life” because it fits nicely with his forward thinking persona, but it’s more extreme. Ha. Because he’s sort of retracting on behalf of the whole Liberal party, past and present. And that’s just funny.

Furthermore:

Lapierre himself was at Montreal’s city hall in January while Wajsman was accepting the Martin Luther King Legacy Award for community service work. Wajsman saw him, cursed and proceeded with his acceptance speech. Lapierre sat and listened, clapped politely and quickly left the room before the applause was over.

That is funny. I could not be more serious when I declare that I want this man - the one that curses and proceeds with his speech - to be back, and active, in the Liberal party. So way to go Iggy. God bless.

Also, I was reading around wiki about Lapierre and came across this anecdote from 1990 (when I was eight and therefore have no memory of, but oh man would’ve had a field day with):

Lapierre’s group led a stir at the 1990 Liberal Leadership Convention in Calgary when Jean Chrétien embraced Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador Clyde Wells hours after the latter had helped kill the Meech Lake Accord. Lapierre’s followers wore black armbands and yelled “Vendu!” (sell out!) at Jean Chrétien.

Kind of a troublemaker and I don’t really like him but damn, maybe we can woo him back too, just for a minute?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXMNpYMGyck]

I seriously thought for a second that Michael Ignatieff was the Prime Minister of Canada. I went onto cbc.ca this morning and Iggy is headline news on the Obama visit. Apparently, Barack “will listen to us” on Afghanistan. I’ve also read that Ignatieff will “speak frankly” with Obama… 

Shouldn’t Stephen Harper be saying crap like this? Where’s he at? Canada seems way more excited about Obama’s meeting with the leader of the opposition than the PM.

I feel like we’re in old tyme days and Stephen Harper is our embarrassing older son and we have to let him stick around for the visit because he’s the oldest but we really want Obama to hang out with Ignatieff because, well, we like him better.

“Hello, Barack! This is ouroldestsonStephenbut THIS! This is Michael.” And then we push Iggy over to greet Obama while whispering to Harper to keep quiet or go make a fire or something.

Conservative strategies from across the board.

How could any opponent let the aristocratic ancestry, Upper Canada College, Harvard, and home in Provence mother lode go untapped?

Ignatieff is in his element in Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal, giving lengthy introspective interviews to elite journalists, winning the daily debating society event called Question Period, holding forth in front of adoring university students, supplying pithy comments in both languages for the cameras and hosting wine and cheese gatherings with fellow MPs.

Perhaps arising out of his years abroad, Ignatieff’s highly developed self image and lack of self doubt are very un-Canadian. It’s possible that the Conservatives need do nothing. At some point Canadians will resent his sense of destiny and want to prick his bubble.

Guilty as charged!

Good lord… somebody do something…