The Scene and Herd

My friend Sona says, “you have to be ready. You could change at any moment.”

I like this idea; change as a sudden assault. I like to think that change will just happen, just spring itself on me and all I have to do is be ready. Because I hate change. I will not encourage change and I will not seek it out.  I need change to… incite itself. And the quicker the better.

I like, as well, to think of this in the context of America at the moment. I like change personified as Barack Obama…right? It does make things simple. The lovers love change and the haters, like me, hate change (although I relish in political change n’ I like Obama). I feel good about this tidy idea. We all do.

Yeah, but in addition, I like to think of Obama as a sudden assault on the American people, a force you can’t stop.

Past love affairs have been on my mind. I’m revisiting for the sake of…a project, I guess. I’m consistently fascinated by how my feelings have changed for these lads that had me devastated once (the broken heart is almost pathetic for this fickleness). Towards most of them I feel a vague and pleasant well-wishing. But then, this is no rare thing. Many desperate loves morph into indifference.

There is an episode of 30 Rock where Lemon has to go to her high school reunion. She does NOT want to go for all the typical reasons. She was a nerd in high school, picked on for being smart and not pretty etc. But everyone, typically, urges her to go and flaunt her success. So she decides to go. But pretty soon after her arrival, one of the cool kids approaches. Lemon gears up to flaunt, but the cool kid immediately bursts into tears at the sight of her.

Okay, it turns out that Lemon was a bully in high school. She thought the cool kids were mean and hated her, so she made comments under her breath about their alcoholic parents and eating disorders to protect herself and all others like her. But her perception was all off. The cool kids were never out to get her, were humiliated by her comments and constantly trying to make peace with her so she would leave them alone. 

So suddenly, at the reunion, she has to deal with this new reality. She has done nothing different but now, suddenly, everything is different. She’s different.

You have to be ready.

I like to think of a passive America. I mean, I like to think that America did not change, but change arrived. All this time their perception was just…off. 

Like you when you thought you were in love. Like Liz Lemon in high school.